I'm writing this post having demolished an unusual amount of food today, I've had my main meals, I've snacked, I swapped my roast veggies lunch for a sandwich and crisps and I know exactly the reason why; I'm stressed.

I'm sure being stressed is a feeling that we can all relate to in some way, shape or form but we might not know exactly what the science is behind stress and why it can make us feel the way it does. Over the years I've become very familiar with the physical symptoms of stress for me, I start to feel 'run-down' which is very similar to the feeling you get a day or two before you're hit with a bad cold. My skin flares up and one or two angry zits are definitely not uncommon, I suffer with occasional mouth ulcers and just generally looking worn out and tired constantly, despite getting maybe 7/8 hours sleep each night.

One of the most prominent symptoms of stress for me personally though is a change in my appetite. I can eat anything and everything when I feel stressed or anxious for a long period of time and that's what I wanted to discuss in today's post.

Why does stress affect our appetite?

You might be familiar with the term 'flight or fight' - that's the mode our bodies go into when we're stressed. Our brain's take the wheel when we're in this mode and it decides what we need to do next in order to survive - imagine back in the day our ancestors way back when would be hunting for their dinner and a hyena or big cat would appear. Our brains send a message to our adrenal glands to pump out adrenalin which is intended to kick our butts into gear.

This whole process that our bodies do for us can put our appetite on hold - and rightly so - if you're faced by a lion then using up energy on normal bodily functions such as digestion go on hold and energy is used elsewhere to either fight the threat or run.

Now, when we continue to be stressed and it's not just a one-off situation - or our bodies at least think we are stressed - then something slightly different happens. The same adrenal glands as before now pump out a hormone called cortisol and cortisol increases our appetite and the motivation to eat.

It's this unfortunate connection between stress & our appetites which can lead to lifestyle diseases such as diabetes - as increased cortisol levels also spur on an increase in our insulin production & glucose which ultimately can raise our blood sugar levels.

Why do we rarely crave a salad or plate of veggies when we're stressed?

I know there might be some exceptions to this rule BUT I for one definitely don't want to reach for particularly healthy foods when I've been feeling stressed for a while. For me, I want bread, chocolate and crisps. Living the dream!

It's good old cortisol again that's to blame for the cravings some of us experience when we're stressed. High sugar, fatty foods give our bodies energy and that's exactly what it thinks we need when we're in 'fight or flight' mode so that's the signals it sends to our brain.

So how can we tackle overeating when we're stressed?

The best thing to do would be to make sure our stress levels never get so high that we put our bodies into 'fight or flight' mode but that is so much easier than done and sometimes life throws things at us that we can't see coming.

Try to stay mindful of what triggers your stress and be wary of the signs your body may be giving you ahead of time, if you're starting to feel run-down, burnt out or on edge then begin to take some extra measures in self-care and looking after yourself.

 Keeping some healthier (notice I didn't say healthy) snacks on hand when you're going through a particularly rough time can be a good idea. For example, today I should have thought about the way i was feeling and made myself a lunch that was maybe a little more appealing like a nice bowl of pasta or a homemade sandwich or wrap.  I brought my bowl of leftover veggies to work with the best intentions! Some chocolate rice cakes, trail mix or apple slices & peanut butter are all comforting treats that will hopefully satisfy your cravings.

Above all, don't be hard on yourself. You're already feeling stressed so don't add to that by worrying too much about what you're eating in the short term, if your feelings of stress persist and your eating habits change more long-term then always speak to your GP or a specialist.

My Staples of Lifestyle Maintenance: Sleep

I know, 'lifestyle maintenance' sounds a little boring and you might be sat there thinking 'what the heck is that' but let me explain.

Until you take a step back and take inventory of your health, you might not realise that it's determined by a combination of really important factors that keep us ticking over and functioning as we should be. You are most likely more aware of lifestyle illnesses and diseases such as diabetes (type 2), obesity and heart diseases and I truly believe that as important as it is to look into the cure, care and medicine behind these illnesses it's also incredibly important to look at how we can prevent them.

One way we can begin to prevent lifestyle diseases is by looking after ourselves a little better and that's where 'lifestyle maintenance' comes into it. If our houses get messy, we tidy and clean them. If our car breaks down, we get it serviced and fixed. Why don't we treat our bodies and minds with the same respect?

There are many factors that contribute to our overall health but I thought I'd share with you over the course of four different posts, the factors that I think are crucial in maintaining our health - this is based on knowledge I've gained through my studies into health & nutrition and also gathered from a wide range of experts who have looked closely into what helps us live our lives to the fullest.

Today's post focuses on sleep.

Sleep

It's strange how maybe 3 or 4 years ago I wouldn't have even considered sleep to be crucial in my day-to-day health and simply functioning as a human being but it doesn't take much investigating to realise it's actually probably one of the most important things we can do for our mental and physical well-being.

So how much sleep do we need? 

It's advised that adults need between 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night in order to function well during the day. It's a bit of a myth that as we age we need less sleep as even adults 65 years old or older need 7 as a minimum. Children need a little more, sometimes 10-11 hours a night.

What type of 'sleep' is there?

This might seem like an odd question to answer but there are actually four stages of sleep we go through during our visit to the land of nod;

Non Rapid Eye Movement- or NREM - sleep is divided into three parts; 1, 2 and 3 with each part becoming gradually 'deeper' into sleep. Parts 1 and 2 are the stages where we're most easily woken (unless you're my boyfriend who could most likely sleep through World War III if it came about).
Part 3 of NREM is the deeper stage of sleep which we're more difficult to rouse from and if we are awoken from this stage of sleep we might feel quite dazed and disorientated.

Why is NREM sleep important?

We need to go through each stage of NREM sleep to wake up feeling well rested the next morning & each stage usually lasts for around an hour/hour and a half. If you wake up one morning feeling tired and not with it then it's most likely because on of your NREm

The final stage of sleep is Rapid Eye Movement - or REM- sleep. This is the closest stage to being awake and it's called 'Rapid Eye Movement' sleep because your eyes do literally that, they move rapidly under your eyelids, darting from side to side. During this stage of sleep is also when you have dreams as your pulse quickens and your brain activity increases.

Why is REM sleep important?

REM sleep is the stage of sleep where our brains are most stimulated especially in areas of the brain that work on making and retaining memories and learning new things.

How can I sleep better?

You might assume that it's what you do right before bed that means you have a well-rested night's sleep but actually there's lots you can do even from the moment you wake up that can lead to a better night's sleep.

Morning: 
Keep a regular schedule - Keep the peace with your body and try to stick to regular hours of sleeping/waking. It might seem a bit like you've reverted back to childhood by setting a 'bedtime' but going to sleep and waking up at the same time most days will really help.

Get some natural light - Getting some daylight as soon as possible in the morning can really help reset our internal body clocks (or circadian rhythm as it's sometimes called)

Daytime:
Quit The Caffeine:  The Sleep Council advises that you should try to avoid caffeine 8 hours before bed but personally I try to not have any caffeine (so that's a matcha latte for me) before 2pm. If it's gone 2pm then no matcha for me!

Get Moving: Try to indulge in some gentle exercise during the day, exercise promotes the quality and quantity of your sleep and even if it's just walking around your office block or taking the dog for a walk it can help us sleep better.

Evening:
Put down the phone: Evidence has shown that using our phones and other electronic devices before bedtime can keep us awake due to the blue light they emit. They also stimulate our brains a little too much during the time when we should be trying to wind them down before we sleep so have a break from your phone an hour or two before bed. Have a bath, read a book, stay away from Instagram!

Avoid the temptation of a night cap: If we can't sleep there are times we might turn to a cheeky alcoholic beverage to send us off to sleep but despite being a sedative this can do us more bad than good. It might get us off to sleep okay but our sleep will be disrupted and we can end up feeling unrefreshed in the morning.

Night:
Give your bedroom a calm-makeover: Basically, ensure the room you sleep is set to a cool temperature, make sure it's dark and keep it a quiet space. If you don't have them then try to invest is some blackout blinds to help keep the light out, these are especially handy in the summer months when it can come flooding through curtains uninvited!

Get rid of rude alarm clocks: I searched high and low through the alarm clock settings on my iPhone before resorting to downloading a new tune from the iTunes store for my alarm and now I don't dread the noise so much in the morning. Keep phone and alarm clock lights off and turn off the television before you sleep. Before we moved in together, my boyfriend would fall asleep to the television and I have no idea how he did it!

Top Tip: Something that has changed my attitude to sleep is keeping the bedroom peaceful and calm. When I worked from home I'd be tempted to have breakfast in bed and log onto my laptop, have conference calls etc but keeping the room strictly for relaxing and sleeping has really helped me to associate the bedroom with unwinding and calm. 

Credits: The Sleep Council

The 'Good', The 'Bad' & The Ugly of Diet Culture Language

There's a lot to think about and consider when it comes to health, fitness and well-being. Everyday we're faced with a hundred choices, guidelines, 'rules' etc and we're left to just sift through it and try and make sense of it!

A lot of these choices we can use our own common sense for and filter through the BS to find the truth but sometimes we can be poorly led by influencers and creators down a long and winding round to an unhealthy mindset.

A little story about something which actually inspired this post; yesterday I purchased a bundle of eBooks online which was being touted by a few health and fitness influencers, you could get 90 books for the price of 2 or 3 - what a deal! The content of these books which were written by influencers (most of whom are no different to you and I and no more qualified to make claims about food/diets) and were based on subjects such as food and recipes, a vegan/plant-based diet, sustainable fashion and minimal living to name a few.

As soon as I began to flick through the eBooks I slowly became disappointed with the content. As the books are written by creators and individuals there was a lof of personal information, views and opinions rather than science or facts to back up any claims made about fitness, food and a healthy lifestyle. 

That's why i wanted to highlight some of these concerns in the hope that together we can begin to decipher the many, many messages and posts that we come across on a daily basis and how we can all make small changes in the way we talk about food to benefit ourselves and those around us. 

Food can be an emotional trigger for a lot of people, in particular those who have experienced eating disorders and disordered eating patterns or habits and with words flying around like 'clean', 'detox', 'good', 'bad' and 'cheat' it can be very confusing and misleading to know what we should and shouldn't be putting in our bodies. 

The end goal for all of us - regardless of how we get there - is to have a healthy relationship with food but I appreciate that's easier said than done and for a lot of people that's a long journey which can take a lot of hard work. One small way we can begin this healthier relationship with food is to see it for what it is; nourishment for our bodies and yes, that means all food, not just a salad or a celery juice drink in the morning. 

What about cheat meals and good vs bad foods?

So you get up each morning, you have maybe a bowl of porridge oats with some honey and fruit for breakfast, you have chicken and couscous and some roasted veg for lunch and then hey, it's Friday night so you order a takeaway pizza for dinner. Some would call this a 'cheat meal' but erm...who or what are you cheating on exactly and what makes the pizza you had 'bad' versus the chicken and couscous for lunch that you might label as 'good'? Nothing makes it good or bad except us and our language, not doctors, not nutritionists and not dieticians (not the good ones anyway!)

Ditch the 'detox diet' ASAP!

Another gem that the internet has created and one which cropped up in the eBook bundle I purchased yesterday was 'detox' your body with food and drink. Firstly, let's get our science hats on, we have two A* organs that do this for us, they're called our kidneys and liver. They don't work part time and they certainly don't accept bribes in the form of celery juice or lemon water to wake them up in the morning or make them work any faster. They work consistently 24/7 and eating a healthy, balanced diet can of course keep them in tip top shape but you definitely don't need to have a lemon slice in hot water every morning to wake up your system, just enjoy it if you think it tastes yummy and makes you feel good!

Clean eating is just eating unless your food needs washing first...

Another term that 'diet culture' has created is 'clean eating'. I have been 100% guilty of using this term (along with a lot of the others at some point in time too) but what does it even mean? It translates loosely to eating more whole foods and fewer processed foods but that's just what we should be aiming for anyway. It doesn't need to be labelled as 'clean' eating as that would suggest anytime we have a slice of cake or pizza it's 'dirty' eating? Unless our vegetables and leaves need a quick spritz under the tap before we use them or you drop your sandwich on the floor then there's no such thing as clean or dirty food. 

The Final Takeaway...

One way we can start to steer away from using these 'diet culture' buzzwords is to look at food in a slightly different way and then just put our blinkers on to block out all of the bull that the internet and television can throw at us. Educate yourself a little, it's invaluable to know more about the science behind food and it suddenly becomes less scary. 
There's no clean, good or bad when you realise what our food is made of. Every item of food includes a nutrient for us that we need in one way, shape or form. Whether that be a donut that contains sugar and fat or an apple which contains essential fibre and vitamins; our bodies need sugar, fat, fibre and vitamins in addition to many other nutrients and vitamins to thrive and work at it's best. The truth is we just need a little more of some things than others so a healthy, balanced diet is the way forward. 

4 Health & Wellness Podcasts You Need In Your Life

If - like me - in 2020 you've made the decision start looking after both your mind and your body a little more then - like me - you might need a little inspiration, motivation and guidance to get you going.

Luckily, there's an abundance of resources available for free at our fingertips these days and one of my favourite ways to soak up new information has been to listen to podcasts. I was never really a podcast person but over the last 6 months have really begun to enjoy them, especially whilst driving to and from work (as each journey is around 40 mins each).

I thought I would share you with the 5 podcasts I think you need in your life if you're looking to take control of your health and wellness this year, let me know if you take a listen to any of these and I'd love to know your thoughts!

4. Going For Goal
This 'cast is created by Women's Health and is brand new for 2020. The host, Roisin Dervish-O'Kane interviews leading nutrition, fitness and psychology experts each week to discuss their personal strategies for success.

3. Deliciously Ella
You might have seen Ella's products in the health aisle at your fave supermarket, well the health food guru also has a podcast and each episode she discusses a variety of important subjects with various experts from the importance of sleep, how and why we love, sexual health along with discussing food myths & facts!

2. Give Me Strength
Personal trainer Alice Liveing interviews extraordinary women during her podcasts episodes with each one delving into the importance of building mental and physical resilience and how this can empower us to be healthier and happier.

1. Food For Thought
This is my favourite podcast to listen to by far, created by certified nutritionist Rhiannon Lambert (aka Rhitrition), it discusses all of the important myths and subjects around health. She dives into the myths around carbs being bad for you (spoiler, they're not), Intermittent Fasting & so much more. I love Rhi's perspective and everything ultimately comes down to a healthy relationship with food.

Let me know what your favourite podcasts are as I'm always on the look out for something new to listen to! :) 

My Morning Routine: Work Edition 2020

If you read my 2020 Goals & Habits post then you would know that setting myself some new routines was something I wanted to achieve this year. This week I started back at work properly after the Christmas break and I just *knew* it was going to be hard to tear myself out of bed each morning about 3 hours earlier than I was used to so I used the few days between New Year and starting back at work this week to establish a new morning routine.

To give some context, I work from 8:30am to 5pm and my journey to work is around 35/40 minutes drive on a good day, before Christmas I found myself getting out of bed later which meant I hit the heavy traffic on my way into work and I was around 15/20 minutes late every day. Luckily my company is super flexible but I really didn't like how rushed and stressed I felt each morning, so I decided to impose this new morning routine to get me up & out of the house on time (or even early) with zero stress in the mornings!

23:00 the night before - Bedtime
t might surprise you but my morning routine actually begins the night before and ultimately with a somewhat good night's sleep! I've started using the IOS Bedtime feature to set my 'bedtime' as 11pm and my alarm at 6:30am. I have a bath usually around 10pm and read for a bit after that but I try to put my phone down for at least 30 minutes before I go to sleep.

06:30 - Wake Up & Get Up
I've switched the snooze feature off on my alarm so there's no alternative but to get my butt up and out of bed, usually by now though Nellie has been shouting the house down so that enough motivation to get up and feed her!

06:30 - 06:45 - Get My Shiz Together
If I don't have leftovers for lunch then I like to prepare my lunch & snacks for the day during this first 15 mins of the day. I'll head downstairs, feed Nellie & then organise my lunch bag. I'll grab my matcha tea, keep-cup, water bottle, a couple of snacks (usually one for mid-morning and one for mid-afternoon) plus my breakfast & lunch and get it all bagged up and ready to go before I leave. I'll also use this time to put my multivitamins into their little sandwich bags to take later on in the morning.

06:45 - 07:00 - Skincare Routine!
One of my other habits to set this year was to stick rigidly to a skincare routine, I was particularly bad at it in the mornings last year (and by particularly bad I mean, I didn't do ANYTHING to my skin in the morning except splash it with cold water...). Now I use this time to cleanse, tone and moisturise before I apply my make-up.

07:00 - 07:20 - Make-Up, Hair & Get Dressed
We're lucky to have two spare bedrooms at home and each of us have claimed one as our own, I've turned mine into a dressing room essentially with another huge wardrobe, loads of storage and my desk for doing my hair & make-up. I don't wear a huge deal of make-up to work (or anytime to be honest) so it doesn't take too long to whack some CC cream on, brush my hair & choose an outfit for the day.

07:20 - 07:30 - Get Out The Door!
Once I'm somewhat presentable I'll say bye to Rob who is usually still getting ready when I leave & I'll also give Nellie her medication. Then I grab my bags & head out the door, usually I'll stick a podcast on in my car - currently loving Deliciously Ella's - and aim to be at work by 8:10/8:15!

I hope you enjoyed this little insight into my mornings, I find that I really enjoy writing posts like this and it helps keep me motivated to stick my new goals and habits for the year ahead! 

My 2020 Goals & Habits

Firstly, HAPPY NEW YEAR! It's 2020, what the heck? When did that happen?! I hope you all had a lovely festive period and spent a lot of time with your loved ones. I find the time between Christmas and New Year is very good fore some self reflection.

I've always loved a New Year Resolution although maybe I see them slightly differently the older I'm getting; they always used to be 'LOSE WEIGHT' or 'GET FIT' or 'EAT LESS CHOCOLATE' etc and although none of those resolutions are bad if that's what you want to do, I always found them far too vague which in turn made me see them as intimidating and unattainable.

This year I've decided to set some more realistic and achievable goals and also define some new habits I'd like to start this year and I thought in case anyone needed any inspiration I'd share them with you today.

• Eat clean more often - It's slowly dawning on me that I need to be kinder to my body. That means less processed food that contains, well, who knows what in it?! Don't get me wrong, I can't eat clean all day everyday as I love the odd treat now and then but I'm definitely going to make better choices when I can which

• Attend 5 gym classes a week - I'm currently a member of a fantastic fitness club in my local area which is run by one lady - Jo - who holds 9 classes a week including Zumba, Full Body Workout, Barre, AbsTastic and Clubbercise at our local gym. I joined last Jan and I still try to make a few classes a week now but my 2020 goal is to attend 5 each week.

• Take multivitamins DAILY - I've already failed at this one so far but that's only because I can't actually find the multivitamins I pruchased a month or so ago *eye roll* so I need to get to Holland and Barratt and treat myself to some new ones before I can get going. This one's pretty important for me though as I don't really eat any fresh fruit so am missing out on some vital vits! 

• Keep up my daily skincare routine - Since Christmas I've treated myself to some new beauty products and tools to really up my game in 2020 (it's not difficult seeing as my 2019 game was a make-up wipe...) I've bought a jade and rose quartz roller/gua-sha set and am loving using these day and night along with my new Homedics Facial Cleanser. I want to make sure that I keep this up as i'm a week or so in and already seeing a difference in my skin!

• Have more structure/routine - When I told my boyfriend about this goal he panicked but that's coming from him, someone who had practically ZERO routine before we got together. I reassured him though that it was my goal and he didn't have to join in. However, I want to ensure I'm getting 8 hours of sleep each night, making more time in the mornings so I'm not rushing or late for work, keeping the house tidy (putting something away after using it). Basically just having my shit together a little more. 

• Say yes less - By this I mean, stop doing so much stuff that I don't want to do or being worried to say 'nah, I'm good thanks'. Even something as little as staying up late when really I want to just go to bed at 10pm and get a good night's sleep before work or turning down an invite to a party when I'd rather have some time to myself to relax and unwind. The only pressure that's on me to please everyone else is the pressure I put on myself!

What are your goals and resolutions for 2020, I'd love to know! Comment below or find me on social media over on Instagram @laurenefell

Managing a Bad Mental Health Day (or two!)

As I write this post I'm not sure if I'm frustrated, downtrodden, disappointed, determined or what. I think I'm probably actually a concoction of all of those things because for the first time in quite a while I feel like I'm suffering from a 'bad patch' aka my anxiety is being a bugger at the moment and I'm having a little internal battle to stop it from taking back control.

This is the ultimate test for me really, my counselling journey came to an end a few months ago now and I've been on this ride all alone (without my counsellor to turn to I mean, my partner, friends and fam have been incredible) and I've been chugging along quite nicely up until now.

I have zero idea what triggered this anxiety attack. I actually think it might have been the amount of alcohol I consumed at a Halloween party, I don't drink very often now and although I was a nice kind of drunk I didn't consider the effects alchohol could have had on my mental health. I felt drained the next day and by the time I'd driven the 3 hours back down South I was physically and mentally exhausted. Little things were irritating me - a sure sign of anxiety for me - and I ended up devastatingly annoyed and upset at my boyfriend for starting to watch a movie without me whilst I was away that I wanted to watch together. I know. Tell me about it.

I felt really sensitive to comments and I took everything personally and to heart - something I'd not done for a while. The good thing was I now recognised those triggers and am currently doing my best to manage my feelings. I thought I'd share with you some things that are helping me right now.

Acknowledging How You Feel

This is important. My anxiety is hard to explain and hard to justify, I can rarely put my finger on exactly what triggered it so I just have to do my best to accept that and acknowledge that the brain works in mysterious ways (especially when it's tired and in my case from the weekend - hungover).

Don't try to argue or fight the way you feel. The sooner you accept it for what it is the sooner you can put your techniques and tools in place to move on through it so you can carry on with living and loving life!

Try To Rationalise

'Wow Lauren, try to rationalise when I have severe anxiety, good one!' Trust me, I knoooow. It's hard and it's especially hard when you're in the midst of the 'end of the world' according to your anxiety and making sense of anything and rationalising can seem impossible but it's 100% worth a good shot.

Ask yourself whether the thoughts you're having are based on fact or feeling. 9/10 these will be 'feelings'. If you were to ask me on a bad anxiety day you'd think I was Mystic Meg by the amount of made-up thoughts and feelings I'm 'sure' of. I'm actually not sure about any of them because they're all just my feelings, they're not facts.

Trust Yourself

For me, tackling my anxiety pretty much all boils down to the same thing; trusting myself. Trusting that I'm a good person, a good partner, strong, capable etc. I've been through some tough times and I handled them really, really well, so why am I so worried about possibly facing another tough time that hasn't actually happened and may never happen?! Who knows. 'Tis the nature of the beast I think and it has a good way of making you doubt yourself.

Don't Give Up Your Healthy Routine

This is a hard one for me. As soon as my anxiety hits I want to stay in bed all day, eat crap and watch Netflix. It's my happy place and it's comforting, that's fair enough but I also know it's not going to make me feel any better in a hurry.

Stick to your healthy diet, don't cancel that gym class, go to that bar with your friends if you can, in the long run it will help. I find that for me, the guilt of letting myself go just because I'm having a bad mental health day contributes to the way I'm feeling, it fuels the fire! I don't want to give it that power so even if I'm not 100% feeling it I will drag myself to that gym class - give me all that seratonin!


Look at anxiety for what it is, it's a mental health condition (if you will) which does a good job at trying to make us worry about every possible eventuality so it can 'prepare' us for potential trauma or threats. It's not a 'sixth sense' - something I have to tell myself constantly because I'm terrible at being convinced my anxiety is my 'gut feeling' so it must be right! It's not.

The best thing I can do for myself is repeatedly tell myself I've been here before, I might be here again but I made it through before and I'll make it through again. We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for so just remember that the next time you're faced with a bad mental health day, week, month or even year. It will pass.

Learning To Be Honest With Myself (and others!)

It's a funny thing, honesty. I like to pride myself on being an honest person, I'm very open and don't have any difficulty usually telling someone how I feel about something as long as I still be kind and polite about it but actually when I thought long and hard about it there were some times that I really wasn't very honest and it didn't do me many favours.

I'm not talking about lying or cheating or anything like that, I'm talking about the times that we're not super honest with ourselves and maybe the small lies or fibs we tell others to fit in or to feel like we belong.

When I first met my boyfriend I soon realised we had different interests and hobbies, he was big into heavy metal music and extreme sports such as mountain biking. I was a self-confessed nerd who liked graphic design and YouTube and the amount of exercise I did when we first met was zilch so I soon worried that we'd start to realise that we didn't have much in common.

My anxiety can make me doubt myself a lot and although being able to code, design a website or a logo and being massively into zombie and paranormal TV shows actually made me a really interesting person, I just couldn't see it myself.

I started to feel the need to like what he liked so I could justify us being together (when really our identical values and principles in life are exactly why we're so happy and are perfect for each other). There were some awful days out where I'd suggest bike rides because I know how much he'd love them which ended with me crying because I was in so much pain from renting awful bikes from little hire shops and forcing myself to keep going when I really didn't want to.

Everything changed when I started to be more honest with myself and to have confidence in my choices and decisions. I started to feel OK with saying 'you know what, I hated that bike ride, I'd rather go somewhere a bit easier where I can ride in my own time and enjoy the views' etc. To no-one's surprise, my boyfriend was absolutely ok with that - and of course he would be, but my anxiety had kind of convinced me he wouldn't be.

Being honest with both myself and him has made things a lot easier, we still go for bike rides now - we just got back from one today actually which is what inspired me to write this post. I tell him how far I'm happy to go and we plan routes together, we take regular breaks if I need them and most importantly we enjoy it.

It can be hard to not want to say 'yes' or agree to things to feel like you fit in or belong but in the long run you have to ask yourself what the benefit of lying to yourself and someone else is? Usually there isn't a benefit and you'll begin to see the benefits when you start accepting yourself and have confidence in your own choices.

I Tried Aromatherapy To Help Me Chill The F Out

As someone that's suffered with anxiety for many years, chilling out isn't really something I've ever been good at. It hasn't really mattered what I've done whether it be yoga or meditation, my brain just won't shut the hell up for much longer than 20 seconds and I really struggle to completely relax or switch off.

I didn't quite realise just how bad I was at relaxing until I made an appointment for a lymphatic drainage massage and after half an hour of a fantastic massage my therapist Joanna at TruthPie told me that she could tell that I struggled to completely unwind. I almost felt caught out but she reassured me that she thought another therapy would suit me better; aromatherapy. I'm not going to lie, I didn't really have a clue what aromatherapy entailed but agreed to give a session ago.

So we started by picking oils that would a) be good for stress and anxiety and b) that I actually liked because Joanna said that it can differ from session to session and your body will react differently to different oils depending on what it needs at the time.

The three oils which appealed to me the most were Ylang Ylang (good for relaxation), Myrtle (great for fatigue) and Eucalyptus Staigeriana (which is really useful for easing any aches and pains). Joanna then used a mixture of these for the massage itself.

She spent an hour working these essential oils into my skin in a medium-pressure massage, she worked out some knots and tension in my upper back and shoulders before moving onto my legs individually, feet, arms, hands and then my neck. It was a really relaxing experience although I found my mind still buzzing every now and again but I tried really hard to clear my head and just relax to get the most of the massage.

Joanna gave me a mix of the oils to take home to add to my bath, so I'm really excited to give that a go and see if I feel as mellowed as I do right now as I write this blog post!

If you're thinking of trying aromatherapy then I would 100% recommend it as it's a therapy that's tailored to you, your mind and your body and what it needs. Don't forget that self-care needs to be your top priority and we need to nurture our minds and bodies alike.

Believing That Good Is Good Enough

I wrote a blog post not so long ago now about my counselling journey so far (it's here if you'd like to read it) and wanted to share one of my most recent experiences at a session regarding thinking my best isn't good enough.

This feeling stemmed from an experience last year which I'm still umming and aahing about writing about on here but to summarise; it wasn't pleasant, it certainly left me with less self-esteem than I had before and it really did make me question whether my 'good' was actually good enough. 

I've held onto this feeling since last September time and it's made a lot of things difficult for me; I've not wanted to plan anything, for anybody, ever again. I worry that if I do whatever I've planned won't live up to their expectations. It's also made me question if I'm a 'good enough' girlfriend or 'good enough' daughter. It's been a fun six months, not. 

I raised this with my therapist a few weeks back and within moments she had worked back through my life and helped me realise, in addition to the trigger from last year, what events in my childhood might relate to that feeling of always needing to be perfect where just 'okay' or 'mediocre' doesn't cut it for me. Everything has to be perfect; perfectly timed, perfectly placed; perfectly presented. Don't get me wrong, 9/10 it isn't but that's when I struggle. I struggle to accept anything besides the best and I really beat myself up over it sometimes and this was a part of me that I really wanted to alter.

Ultimately, I wanted to care less what people thought, I wanted to be totally content with knowing I did my best and that I can't control people's feelings or thoughts, you can't please all the people all of the time and I don't want to be my own worst enemy or critic, basically. 

The event last year has made overcoming this hurdle a little more difficult than it may have been otherwise, I could have easily said 'well, what's the worst that could happen if they think it's not good enough?' but for me, the worst thing that could have happened last year did happen so that's not really a reassuring question to ask myself right now. 

What is helping though is getting back on the horse so to speak. I was fearful of having to plan anything again after last year and I really didn't ever want to be in charge of someone else's enjoyment or happiness due to the pressure that came with it. This became tricky to avoid when my boss asked me to plan our next evening social event at work, I couldn't exactly say 'nah, don't fancy it, sorry'. I had to come through. I started to feel some of the same feelings that the event last year had given me and I worked really hard to overcome any anxiety or panic over whether my colleagues will enjoy what I'd organised or not. I started by accepting the fact that these people are my professional colleagues and they would be grateful for a nice meal and a pint in the pub after work so anything in addition to that would be great.

I ended up planning a murder mystery game which we all played over dinner at one of the pubs in town, everyone had a laugh and I received the kindest feedback from people including senior management after the event. That was my first step towards realising that my good is good enough, the more positive affirmations I have of that the more I will gain confidence in myself again.

When it comes down to it, the problem lies in the thought itself really; my best/good isn't good enough. Good enough for...who? Them? Whose standards/expecations am I working towards exactly? That's when I realised that all that mattered was whether my best/good was good enough for me. I had to accept that no, I can't please everybody but a lot of the time they will be pleased because I am learning not everyone's expecations of me are anywhere near as high as the expectations I place on myself so as long as I am happy with what I've done/created/achieved then to heck what other people think!

How I Stay Positive

Staying positive is hard, really hard, especially when it feels like life is throwing the worst kinds of curveballs at you and it takes everything you have to keep calm and carry on. One of my goals for 2019 though was to think positively and for the most-part I have been doing okay at it! 

I try not to compare myself to others

I say try because it's something I actually find really difficult sometimes. Having anxiety makes me doubt things - a lot - and one of those things is usually myself, that means if I have a bad day when I think I'm not good enough I look around me and go 'oh, well she's good enough, she's got her shit together' etc. What I have to constantly remind myself is that I don't know that person's story either, they might look like they have it together on the outside (cos I know that's how I look the majority of the time, even when I don't) but they're most likely struggling with things too. I just tell myself to keep doing me because that's all I'm in control of. 

Be kind to myself

Before I began attending counselling for my anxiety I used to 'manage' it myself, a lot of the time that was me putting myself down for feeling and acting the way I did. I'd tell myself I was being 'stupid' and I'd be really overly apologetic for the way I was feeling. Luckily, counselling really helped me to be kinder to myself. I now tell myself that I'm doing my best and that I am making effort and trying and I don't let anyone tell me any differently. 

Better myself physically, mentally and spiritually
Since beginning to attend fitness classes in January I've really noticed the positive effect this has had on my mental health as well as the effect it has physically. The old 'exercise = endorphins' is true and it really works. I feel great after a workout like I've accomplished something and noticing the physical effects on my body helps massively with my self-esteem and confidence. Practising mindfulness and incorporating meditation and yoga into my routine when possible has also helped to get a hold of my thoughts and feel more in control.

Taking care of myself before others
My friends, family and boyfriend are by far the most important people in my life and nine times out of ten I will always put theirs needs before mine, there is that one occasion though when I'm unable to do that and that's because in the long run it would be detrimental to my own health. Don't get me wrong, these occasions are few and far between but I find that being honest is the best way to handle these situations. If my boyfriend wants to go somewhere or do something and I'm not feeling it I've learnt to just be honest and say I'd rather chill out by myself and have some me-time instead of just saying yes to please him.

I'm learning to let go of things I can't control 
If you have generalised anxiety then you'll know that not being in control is scary, something that's contributed to keeping a positive attitude is to really try to understand and accept that I can't control everyone or everything. There is so much I can't control but those are always the things I worry about the most, what I'm trying to do is to accept that i can only control one person: myself. I can't control other people's actions but I can control how I handle them.

How are you living a more positive life? I'd love to know your tips and tricks to keep positive, share them below in the comments :)

How To Start A Healthy Routine

It didn't really dawn on me that my routine was out of whack until I'd lived with my boyfriend for around six months. Before then, I'd always lived with my parents (with the exception of an 8-month stint in a 1 bedroom flat a few years ago when I thought I could afford to live alone - spoiler, I couldn't.)

Before we moved in together my boyfriend lived just over an hour from me so the location we moved to was half-way between us and a completely new town to both of us. I'd visited once before we moved here and it definitely took a while for me to realise that I wasn't adjusting as easily as I'd hoped and that's not because I don't love living where we do or that I don't enjoy living with my boyfriend because I really do, I think it was just because it turned my life upside down.

Routine helps with feeling settled when you might otherwise feel a little out of your comfort zone and it can really be a great tool for managing your mental health. I want to share what I've done to carve out a new routine for myself and also what I'd like to do over the coming months myself - hopefully some of this helps.

5. HEALTHY EATING & DRINKING
It's a bit of a no-brainer that to start a new healthy routine you'd need to eat healthier and cut down on alcohol which is proven to have a very negative effect on mental health. Now, I am not a fruit or veg girl, it's terrible I know but I struggle to get my 5-a-day in (heck, I struggle with 5-a-week) but that doesn't mean you can't still eat well. I've cut out junk food and most processed foods and I stick very loosely to a Slimming World plan to give my diet some structure; in all honesty we love so many SW recipes and snacks so it's not difficult. Following a healthy living plan will become part of your daily routine and you'll start to form new eating habits in no time.

4. WORKOUT REGULARLY
Making exercise a part of your routine will take feeling good about yourself to a new level. As I was completely new to the area we moved to I was keen to join a new gym so that I'd be able to get into a new fitness routine...the only problem is I hate the gym and really didn't enjoy it. I stopped going and got into a bit of a rut about working out, I was in desperate need of finding some form of exercise that I enjoyed. Luckily I stumbled across an amazing fitness instructor who runs 8 different classes a week in a school hall only 5 minutes from our house - it couldn't have worked out better.

I now do Barre, Pound, Fight, Zumba, Clubbercise and a Full Body Workout class each and every week. It's probably my favourite part of my new routine as through these classes I've met some wonderful women and it's really made our new area start to feel like home. It also makes me appreciate the 3x days I get off from classes each week!

3. START A NEW HABIT
One way to make your routine interesting it to start doing something completely new and different. When your surroundings and circumstances change it can feel like the easiest thing to do is to revert back to your old routine to make everything feel somewhat normal again but it's probably the best opportunity to take up a new hobby. I started practicing yoga and blogging again and have tried to make both of these activities part of my routine. Why not start reading more or incorporating a daily walk into your routine?

2. TRY AND STICK TO A BEDTIME
I know bedtime sounds like it's for 5-year-old's but I think it's a really important part of a daily routine and definitely one that I've not nailed myself yet and still struggle with. Sleep is crazy important for mental health, it's the one time a day we can give our brains and bodies a rest and ensuring we get enough sleep is really important. I always try and turn off the telly each evening at 10pm, my boyfriend will usually watch something on his iPad for a further 20-25 minutes whilst I get ready for bed and then I'm in bed by 10:30pm at the latest. The problem is we then sit in bed and watch silly YouTube videos for a while or we'll play with the cat or end up chatting about something or other. It can be 11:30pm or even midnight before we go to sleep and then we're both up again at 6:30/7am for work. I'm slowly starting to realise I'm just not getting enough hours.

To correct this, I'm going to start switching off from 10pm onwards so that means limiting the time on my phone and not putting the television on in the bedroom before we go to sleep. I also want to start reading more and winding down before bed. One of our worst habits is my boyfriend going on Reddit or me going on social media then going to bed and going 'oh my god did you hear this story about that guy that did this? Look at this video! Look at this gif!' etc.

1. HAVE A MORNING ROUTINE MAPPED OUT
This goes hand-in-hand with the previous tip and because I haven't got the night routine figured out I haven't really got my morning one sorted yet but that doesn't mean I don't have good intentions set out.

If you've had a good night's sleep it's very likely that getting up earlier will be easier, that's just science (maybe?). I was actually doing really well in the new year and I'd get up half an hour earlier,  do ten minutes of yoga whilst the cat ate her breakfast, then I'd sort my breakfast, lunch and snacks out for work before getting ready. This meant I wasn't rushing round the house like a mad woman, I'd had a morning stretch and I was never late for work and that's all down to getting up just half an hour earlier.

If you suss out your evening/night routine and get enough sleep, setting your alarm for half an hour earlier the next day will only have a positive affect on your day and that's what I'm intending to try out this week!

I Blogged My Anxiety Attack

Right now as I'm typing this post my heart is racing. I can feel myself heading into fight or flight mode and I'm aware of that because all I want to do right now is be somewhere safe. Whether that's under my duvet or having a hug from my mum, my brain is starting to send signals to my body saying 'nope, nice try pal, I'm not having any of that, I'm out'.

It started with worrying about money. Today is payday and I am in a sticky situation with my finances right now so I managed to work myself up in a frenzy this morning which lead to me messaging my boyfriend, mum and best friend about it. I also ended up on Google, looking at forums and getting myself into a right tiz and before I knew it I couldn't stop the barrage of negative, snowballing thoughts which flooded my head.

It's hard to explain as even though you might struggle with anxiety yourself, all anxieties are different. My anxiety is different to yours and yours is different to the next person's and so on, so I will try and explain what an anxiety attack is like for me.

WHAT ATTACKS FEEL LIKE FOR ME

An attack for me is like watching a really crappy straight-to-DVD movie; but it's about my future. I'll be sat at work, minding my own business and then I'll think of payday and my money situation, before you know it I've watched the next 5 years of my life play out in my mind. I envisage my friends being so ashamed of me that they slowly phase me out, I imagine my parents feeling disappointed that they have to support a daughter in her late 20s and I picture my boyfriend's face as realization dawns on him that there's other women out there who don't have these problems.

The hard part is being strict with myself and telling myself that these are simply thoughts that entered my head and they are not factual things that have actually happened but that' easier said than done. I feel the panic course through my body when I have thoughts like that and it's a real effort to stay grounded, stay in my seat and to let it pass over. The comfort lies in the many times I've suffered attacks before and have come out okay the other side and by 'okay' I mean able to rationalise and think more logically.

Today I also tried writing down my feelings. I physically put pen to paper and wrote down how I felt in that moment. I then did a conference call, went to the loo and came back to the piece of paper and re-read it. It made me sad to think that I'd genuinely thought that negatively, even just for 2 or 3 minutes and in a way, that's good. I didn't come back, read the paper and agree. I'll never invalidate my own thoughts because part of my management of my anxiety is to stop using the words 'stupid' or 'ridiculous' to describe my thoughts or feelings because that creates more of a conflict against the anxious part of my brain which is trying to convince me of the opposite. I just try to acknowledge them as 'anxious thoughts' and that's where I leave it. When you're fighting anxiety the last thing you want to do is feed it by putting yourself down by throwing around words like 'stupid.'

THE AFTERMATH

Now that an hour or so has passed I'm starting to see the haze clear a little (because that's also what an attack is like for me, it's like a foggy day where you can't really make sense of anything and are just stumbling around in the dark for a bit looking for something to hold onto). I can begin to see things for what they really are; including myself. I begin to give myself more credit and respect again without just putting myself down and I begin to try and see all of the positive attributes I hold as a person and I try really hard to let go of the things I'd been telling myself an hour before in the middle of the attack.

I also feel proud that I didn't act on my attack. There have been days where I've needed to leave work or call my boyfriend and unleash nonsense down the phone at him to console myself but I am proud that today I dealt with it - and survived. On top of the anxiety I don't have the added embarrassment of having to drop everything and go home and nor do I have to enter into a difficult conversation with my boyfriend or friends about it which can sometimes drag the attack out and ultimately makes me suffer more before I finally get over it.

Thinking and living more positively was pretty much my only goal for this year and I think even on the days like today when things get so hard I feel at breaking point it's important to acknowledge even the smallest of triumphs.

A LESSON IN SELF-LOVE

I'm my own worst enemy 99.9% of the time, if not 100% of the time. I think I've learnt more about myself and changed in more ways during the course of 2016 than I have any other year.

Now let me stop being so vague and mysterious, what I'm talking about is learning to love yourself. We all want to stop judging ourselves when we look in the mirror and to not care about things we can't change but hello, those things make us the perfectly deranged, crazy, wonderful people that we are and it's not about eradicating those qualities but about learning to have full control over them.

Anxiety Busters

Suffering from anxiety isn't something I blog about regularly, mainly because I like to spend time proactively doing things to beat it, rather than dwell on it.

The last few weeks have been pretty anxiety-inducing for me and I've had good days and bad days, luckily more of the former and less of the latter!

Even if you don't suffer with anxiety, sometimes you can feel like there's too much going on in your head or perhaps you are a worrier. Everyone copes differently but these are some of favourite anxiety busters;