I'm writing this post having demolished an unusual amount of food today, I've had my main meals, I've snacked, I swapped my roast veggies lunch for a sandwich and crisps and I know exactly the reason why; I'm stressed.

I'm sure being stressed is a feeling that we can all relate to in some way, shape or form but we might not know exactly what the science is behind stress and why it can make us feel the way it does. Over the years I've become very familiar with the physical symptoms of stress for me, I start to feel 'run-down' which is very similar to the feeling you get a day or two before you're hit with a bad cold. My skin flares up and one or two angry zits are definitely not uncommon, I suffer with occasional mouth ulcers and just generally looking worn out and tired constantly, despite getting maybe 7/8 hours sleep each night.

One of the most prominent symptoms of stress for me personally though is a change in my appetite. I can eat anything and everything when I feel stressed or anxious for a long period of time and that's what I wanted to discuss in today's post.

Why does stress affect our appetite?

You might be familiar with the term 'flight or fight' - that's the mode our bodies go into when we're stressed. Our brain's take the wheel when we're in this mode and it decides what we need to do next in order to survive - imagine back in the day our ancestors way back when would be hunting for their dinner and a hyena or big cat would appear. Our brains send a message to our adrenal glands to pump out adrenalin which is intended to kick our butts into gear.

This whole process that our bodies do for us can put our appetite on hold - and rightly so - if you're faced by a lion then using up energy on normal bodily functions such as digestion go on hold and energy is used elsewhere to either fight the threat or run.

Now, when we continue to be stressed and it's not just a one-off situation - or our bodies at least think we are stressed - then something slightly different happens. The same adrenal glands as before now pump out a hormone called cortisol and cortisol increases our appetite and the motivation to eat.

It's this unfortunate connection between stress & our appetites which can lead to lifestyle diseases such as diabetes - as increased cortisol levels also spur on an increase in our insulin production & glucose which ultimately can raise our blood sugar levels.

Why do we rarely crave a salad or plate of veggies when we're stressed?

I know there might be some exceptions to this rule BUT I for one definitely don't want to reach for particularly healthy foods when I've been feeling stressed for a while. For me, I want bread, chocolate and crisps. Living the dream!

It's good old cortisol again that's to blame for the cravings some of us experience when we're stressed. High sugar, fatty foods give our bodies energy and that's exactly what it thinks we need when we're in 'fight or flight' mode so that's the signals it sends to our brain.

So how can we tackle overeating when we're stressed?

The best thing to do would be to make sure our stress levels never get so high that we put our bodies into 'fight or flight' mode but that is so much easier than done and sometimes life throws things at us that we can't see coming.

Try to stay mindful of what triggers your stress and be wary of the signs your body may be giving you ahead of time, if you're starting to feel run-down, burnt out or on edge then begin to take some extra measures in self-care and looking after yourself.

 Keeping some healthier (notice I didn't say healthy) snacks on hand when you're going through a particularly rough time can be a good idea. For example, today I should have thought about the way i was feeling and made myself a lunch that was maybe a little more appealing like a nice bowl of pasta or a homemade sandwich or wrap.  I brought my bowl of leftover veggies to work with the best intentions! Some chocolate rice cakes, trail mix or apple slices & peanut butter are all comforting treats that will hopefully satisfy your cravings.

Above all, don't be hard on yourself. You're already feeling stressed so don't add to that by worrying too much about what you're eating in the short term, if your feelings of stress persist and your eating habits change more long-term then always speak to your GP or a specialist.

My Staples of Lifestyle Maintenance: Sleep

I know, 'lifestyle maintenance' sounds a little boring and you might be sat there thinking 'what the heck is that' but let me explain.

Until you take a step back and take inventory of your health, you might not realise that it's determined by a combination of really important factors that keep us ticking over and functioning as we should be. You are most likely more aware of lifestyle illnesses and diseases such as diabetes (type 2), obesity and heart diseases and I truly believe that as important as it is to look into the cure, care and medicine behind these illnesses it's also incredibly important to look at how we can prevent them.

One way we can begin to prevent lifestyle diseases is by looking after ourselves a little better and that's where 'lifestyle maintenance' comes into it. If our houses get messy, we tidy and clean them. If our car breaks down, we get it serviced and fixed. Why don't we treat our bodies and minds with the same respect?

There are many factors that contribute to our overall health but I thought I'd share with you over the course of four different posts, the factors that I think are crucial in maintaining our health - this is based on knowledge I've gained through my studies into health & nutrition and also gathered from a wide range of experts who have looked closely into what helps us live our lives to the fullest.

Today's post focuses on sleep.

Sleep

It's strange how maybe 3 or 4 years ago I wouldn't have even considered sleep to be crucial in my day-to-day health and simply functioning as a human being but it doesn't take much investigating to realise it's actually probably one of the most important things we can do for our mental and physical well-being.

So how much sleep do we need? 

It's advised that adults need between 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night in order to function well during the day. It's a bit of a myth that as we age we need less sleep as even adults 65 years old or older need 7 as a minimum. Children need a little more, sometimes 10-11 hours a night.

What type of 'sleep' is there?

This might seem like an odd question to answer but there are actually four stages of sleep we go through during our visit to the land of nod;

Non Rapid Eye Movement- or NREM - sleep is divided into three parts; 1, 2 and 3 with each part becoming gradually 'deeper' into sleep. Parts 1 and 2 are the stages where we're most easily woken (unless you're my boyfriend who could most likely sleep through World War III if it came about).
Part 3 of NREM is the deeper stage of sleep which we're more difficult to rouse from and if we are awoken from this stage of sleep we might feel quite dazed and disorientated.

Why is NREM sleep important?

We need to go through each stage of NREM sleep to wake up feeling well rested the next morning & each stage usually lasts for around an hour/hour and a half. If you wake up one morning feeling tired and not with it then it's most likely because on of your NREm

The final stage of sleep is Rapid Eye Movement - or REM- sleep. This is the closest stage to being awake and it's called 'Rapid Eye Movement' sleep because your eyes do literally that, they move rapidly under your eyelids, darting from side to side. During this stage of sleep is also when you have dreams as your pulse quickens and your brain activity increases.

Why is REM sleep important?

REM sleep is the stage of sleep where our brains are most stimulated especially in areas of the brain that work on making and retaining memories and learning new things.

How can I sleep better?

You might assume that it's what you do right before bed that means you have a well-rested night's sleep but actually there's lots you can do even from the moment you wake up that can lead to a better night's sleep.

Morning: 
Keep a regular schedule - Keep the peace with your body and try to stick to regular hours of sleeping/waking. It might seem a bit like you've reverted back to childhood by setting a 'bedtime' but going to sleep and waking up at the same time most days will really help.

Get some natural light - Getting some daylight as soon as possible in the morning can really help reset our internal body clocks (or circadian rhythm as it's sometimes called)

Daytime:
Quit The Caffeine:  The Sleep Council advises that you should try to avoid caffeine 8 hours before bed but personally I try to not have any caffeine (so that's a matcha latte for me) before 2pm. If it's gone 2pm then no matcha for me!

Get Moving: Try to indulge in some gentle exercise during the day, exercise promotes the quality and quantity of your sleep and even if it's just walking around your office block or taking the dog for a walk it can help us sleep better.

Evening:
Put down the phone: Evidence has shown that using our phones and other electronic devices before bedtime can keep us awake due to the blue light they emit. They also stimulate our brains a little too much during the time when we should be trying to wind them down before we sleep so have a break from your phone an hour or two before bed. Have a bath, read a book, stay away from Instagram!

Avoid the temptation of a night cap: If we can't sleep there are times we might turn to a cheeky alcoholic beverage to send us off to sleep but despite being a sedative this can do us more bad than good. It might get us off to sleep okay but our sleep will be disrupted and we can end up feeling unrefreshed in the morning.

Night:
Give your bedroom a calm-makeover: Basically, ensure the room you sleep is set to a cool temperature, make sure it's dark and keep it a quiet space. If you don't have them then try to invest is some blackout blinds to help keep the light out, these are especially handy in the summer months when it can come flooding through curtains uninvited!

Get rid of rude alarm clocks: I searched high and low through the alarm clock settings on my iPhone before resorting to downloading a new tune from the iTunes store for my alarm and now I don't dread the noise so much in the morning. Keep phone and alarm clock lights off and turn off the television before you sleep. Before we moved in together, my boyfriend would fall asleep to the television and I have no idea how he did it!

Top Tip: Something that has changed my attitude to sleep is keeping the bedroom peaceful and calm. When I worked from home I'd be tempted to have breakfast in bed and log onto my laptop, have conference calls etc but keeping the room strictly for relaxing and sleeping has really helped me to associate the bedroom with unwinding and calm. 

Credits: The Sleep Council

The 'Good', The 'Bad' & The Ugly of Diet Culture Language

There's a lot to think about and consider when it comes to health, fitness and well-being. Everyday we're faced with a hundred choices, guidelines, 'rules' etc and we're left to just sift through it and try and make sense of it!

A lot of these choices we can use our own common sense for and filter through the BS to find the truth but sometimes we can be poorly led by influencers and creators down a long and winding round to an unhealthy mindset.

A little story about something which actually inspired this post; yesterday I purchased a bundle of eBooks online which was being touted by a few health and fitness influencers, you could get 90 books for the price of 2 or 3 - what a deal! The content of these books which were written by influencers (most of whom are no different to you and I and no more qualified to make claims about food/diets) and were based on subjects such as food and recipes, a vegan/plant-based diet, sustainable fashion and minimal living to name a few.

As soon as I began to flick through the eBooks I slowly became disappointed with the content. As the books are written by creators and individuals there was a lof of personal information, views and opinions rather than science or facts to back up any claims made about fitness, food and a healthy lifestyle. 

That's why i wanted to highlight some of these concerns in the hope that together we can begin to decipher the many, many messages and posts that we come across on a daily basis and how we can all make small changes in the way we talk about food to benefit ourselves and those around us. 

Food can be an emotional trigger for a lot of people, in particular those who have experienced eating disorders and disordered eating patterns or habits and with words flying around like 'clean', 'detox', 'good', 'bad' and 'cheat' it can be very confusing and misleading to know what we should and shouldn't be putting in our bodies. 

The end goal for all of us - regardless of how we get there - is to have a healthy relationship with food but I appreciate that's easier said than done and for a lot of people that's a long journey which can take a lot of hard work. One small way we can begin this healthier relationship with food is to see it for what it is; nourishment for our bodies and yes, that means all food, not just a salad or a celery juice drink in the morning. 

What about cheat meals and good vs bad foods?

So you get up each morning, you have maybe a bowl of porridge oats with some honey and fruit for breakfast, you have chicken and couscous and some roasted veg for lunch and then hey, it's Friday night so you order a takeaway pizza for dinner. Some would call this a 'cheat meal' but erm...who or what are you cheating on exactly and what makes the pizza you had 'bad' versus the chicken and couscous for lunch that you might label as 'good'? Nothing makes it good or bad except us and our language, not doctors, not nutritionists and not dieticians (not the good ones anyway!)

Ditch the 'detox diet' ASAP!

Another gem that the internet has created and one which cropped up in the eBook bundle I purchased yesterday was 'detox' your body with food and drink. Firstly, let's get our science hats on, we have two A* organs that do this for us, they're called our kidneys and liver. They don't work part time and they certainly don't accept bribes in the form of celery juice or lemon water to wake them up in the morning or make them work any faster. They work consistently 24/7 and eating a healthy, balanced diet can of course keep them in tip top shape but you definitely don't need to have a lemon slice in hot water every morning to wake up your system, just enjoy it if you think it tastes yummy and makes you feel good!

Clean eating is just eating unless your food needs washing first...

Another term that 'diet culture' has created is 'clean eating'. I have been 100% guilty of using this term (along with a lot of the others at some point in time too) but what does it even mean? It translates loosely to eating more whole foods and fewer processed foods but that's just what we should be aiming for anyway. It doesn't need to be labelled as 'clean' eating as that would suggest anytime we have a slice of cake or pizza it's 'dirty' eating? Unless our vegetables and leaves need a quick spritz under the tap before we use them or you drop your sandwich on the floor then there's no such thing as clean or dirty food. 

The Final Takeaway...

One way we can start to steer away from using these 'diet culture' buzzwords is to look at food in a slightly different way and then just put our blinkers on to block out all of the bull that the internet and television can throw at us. Educate yourself a little, it's invaluable to know more about the science behind food and it suddenly becomes less scary. 
There's no clean, good or bad when you realise what our food is made of. Every item of food includes a nutrient for us that we need in one way, shape or form. Whether that be a donut that contains sugar and fat or an apple which contains essential fibre and vitamins; our bodies need sugar, fat, fibre and vitamins in addition to many other nutrients and vitamins to thrive and work at it's best. The truth is we just need a little more of some things than others so a healthy, balanced diet is the way forward. 

3 Ways To Manage Christmas Madness

As much as I love Christmas, I'd be lying if I said it didn't stress me the eff out sometimes.

Luckily this year we're not having to host at all over the Christmas period - last year I literally bought a new fridge/freezer to accommodate all of the food and drink - so there's a little less to think about in that respect, however there's still parties, presents & plans to make and organise so it can all get a little much.

 Last year when we were planning Christmas Day and Boxing Day at our house I discovered some useful tips & tricks to help manage the madness at Christmas time and I thought I'd share them with you in case - like me - you also lose your mind a little during the festive period!

 1. Remember it is JUST Christmas 

Yeah, this is a big one that my boyfriend has to regularly drill into me every time I fall into a mad panic around the first week of December. It's easy to put a lot of pressure on yourself to have everything just-so and perfect (hello, my name's Lauren and I'm a little neurotic about planning things...) but just remember what Christmas should really be about and that's spending quality time with your loved ones.

2. Plan effectively & make a list or two

Through my day job I discovered a really fantastic, free web-based programme called Trello. It's essentially an on-line To-Do list and you can create different boards and place cards in each board. 

Below is a screenshot of my Trello board for Christmas 2018, it really helped me to organise and prioritise hings and I could move things to a 'DONE' board once they were purchased or complete which was VERY satisfying. Trello also have an app which I downloaded to my phone so I could check what I needed on-the-go. 

However, if you're not a fan of a digital list then go old school, make a similar style list in a notebook or diary and keep track that way. Everything looks so much simpler when it's written out in front of you.

3. Take Some Time To Yourself

You know the motto 'treat yo'self'? Well blooming well listen to it! Don't forget to look after yourself and your mental well-being this Christmas. Christmas isn't worth losing your mind over so book yourself in at the hair/nail salon, grab those drinks with your colleagues or friends after work and enjoy this time of year!

Managing a Bad Mental Health Day (or two!)

As I write this post I'm not sure if I'm frustrated, downtrodden, disappointed, determined or what. I think I'm probably actually a concoction of all of those things because for the first time in quite a while I feel like I'm suffering from a 'bad patch' aka my anxiety is being a bugger at the moment and I'm having a little internal battle to stop it from taking back control.

This is the ultimate test for me really, my counselling journey came to an end a few months ago now and I've been on this ride all alone (without my counsellor to turn to I mean, my partner, friends and fam have been incredible) and I've been chugging along quite nicely up until now.

I have zero idea what triggered this anxiety attack. I actually think it might have been the amount of alcohol I consumed at a Halloween party, I don't drink very often now and although I was a nice kind of drunk I didn't consider the effects alchohol could have had on my mental health. I felt drained the next day and by the time I'd driven the 3 hours back down South I was physically and mentally exhausted. Little things were irritating me - a sure sign of anxiety for me - and I ended up devastatingly annoyed and upset at my boyfriend for starting to watch a movie without me whilst I was away that I wanted to watch together. I know. Tell me about it.

I felt really sensitive to comments and I took everything personally and to heart - something I'd not done for a while. The good thing was I now recognised those triggers and am currently doing my best to manage my feelings. I thought I'd share with you some things that are helping me right now.

Acknowledging How You Feel

This is important. My anxiety is hard to explain and hard to justify, I can rarely put my finger on exactly what triggered it so I just have to do my best to accept that and acknowledge that the brain works in mysterious ways (especially when it's tired and in my case from the weekend - hungover).

Don't try to argue or fight the way you feel. The sooner you accept it for what it is the sooner you can put your techniques and tools in place to move on through it so you can carry on with living and loving life!

Try To Rationalise

'Wow Lauren, try to rationalise when I have severe anxiety, good one!' Trust me, I knoooow. It's hard and it's especially hard when you're in the midst of the 'end of the world' according to your anxiety and making sense of anything and rationalising can seem impossible but it's 100% worth a good shot.

Ask yourself whether the thoughts you're having are based on fact or feeling. 9/10 these will be 'feelings'. If you were to ask me on a bad anxiety day you'd think I was Mystic Meg by the amount of made-up thoughts and feelings I'm 'sure' of. I'm actually not sure about any of them because they're all just my feelings, they're not facts.

Trust Yourself

For me, tackling my anxiety pretty much all boils down to the same thing; trusting myself. Trusting that I'm a good person, a good partner, strong, capable etc. I've been through some tough times and I handled them really, really well, so why am I so worried about possibly facing another tough time that hasn't actually happened and may never happen?! Who knows. 'Tis the nature of the beast I think and it has a good way of making you doubt yourself.

Don't Give Up Your Healthy Routine

This is a hard one for me. As soon as my anxiety hits I want to stay in bed all day, eat crap and watch Netflix. It's my happy place and it's comforting, that's fair enough but I also know it's not going to make me feel any better in a hurry.

Stick to your healthy diet, don't cancel that gym class, go to that bar with your friends if you can, in the long run it will help. I find that for me, the guilt of letting myself go just because I'm having a bad mental health day contributes to the way I'm feeling, it fuels the fire! I don't want to give it that power so even if I'm not 100% feeling it I will drag myself to that gym class - give me all that seratonin!


Look at anxiety for what it is, it's a mental health condition (if you will) which does a good job at trying to make us worry about every possible eventuality so it can 'prepare' us for potential trauma or threats. It's not a 'sixth sense' - something I have to tell myself constantly because I'm terrible at being convinced my anxiety is my 'gut feeling' so it must be right! It's not.

The best thing I can do for myself is repeatedly tell myself I've been here before, I might be here again but I made it through before and I'll make it through again. We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for so just remember that the next time you're faced with a bad mental health day, week, month or even year. It will pass.

When Life Interupts...

It's been a crazy few weeks. If you checked my planner you'd see all the blog posts & content I had planned for the last couple of weeks and unfortunately I've not been able to get one post written or uploaded, why? Well, life happened!

I love my blog and I love creating content but it is a very nice distraction from the trials and tribulations that life can throw at you and unfortunately I just wasn't able to distract myself this time, I was needed at home and I was more than happy to let a few blog posts slip by in order to be supportive when I needed to be.

A week-long trip to Center Parcs with Rob and my family was meant to inspire a lot of content for the blog but in reality I very much needed it as a break from my phone and I just needed to spend time with my loved ones, to recharge and rejuvenate a little.

I'm hoping I will get the chance to visit Center Parcs again soon in order to create the content and share with you what an amazing place it was, we got up to so much including archery and falconry.

I'm already back on it though and I'm looking to create some great content over the next couple of weeks including a brand post with Big Potato Games (because if Autumn/Winter aren't board game seasons then WHAT ARE?!).

Apologies for going quiet over the last couple of weeks but I'm sure all of you can understand - thanks for sticking with me and keep an eye out for some awesome content coming your way!

xo Lauren

The Ordinary Skincare: Is It Worth The Hype?

I posted on my Instagram a few weeks ago that I'd treated myself to a few products from The Ordinary range and said that I'd give you a review once I'd given them a go properly so here we are!

I've never been great at skincare or looking after my skin (despite having really awful breakouts during my teenage years so I know I'm a bit silly) but over the last couple of years I've really begun to take some care over my skin and invest in some great products to give it a helping hand.

The first great thing about The Ordinary products is just how affordable they are, they're available on the Boots UK website and when you compare them to some other brands in the same area they just come out tops really on great reviews vs cost and affordability. 

I have started out my collection with three products which I'll go through below in more detail but I had a very small checklist of things I wanted these products to tackle, they were pore-minimising, smoothing, evening out skin tone, keeping my skin blemish-free and reducing any hyper pigmentation. I spent a lot of time looking at reviews and descriptions of each product, as you'll see they're named after their solutions so it's really important to see what will work for you.

Their website is super informative though and it helped me massively to find a small collection of products which would work for me and my skin. Below is what I opted for, please keep in mind I have quite blemish-prone, combination skin. 

Ascorbyl Glucoside Solution 12%, £8.90

I knew when I was looking through all The Ordinary products that I wanted a Vitamin-C product. I have quite dull skin and it could sometimes make me look really washed-out and even poorly as it really lacked any brightness or glow! 

This product is a brightening serum with an antioxidant to reduce signs of ageing and even out skin tone  - bingo! Ascorbyl Glucoside is classed as one of the best Vitamin C derivatives and this is a solution which is water-based so easily applied and doesn't feel harsh at all on my skin.

Niacinamide 10% + Zinc 1%, £5.00

This product is a dream come true for oily skin. It targets breakouts and minimises pores by regulating the amount of sebum (oil) that your skin produces. Its' two main ingredients Niacinamide and Zinc are two of the best blemish-battling ingredients out there so for me it ticked a lot of boxes!

I've found this solution slightly sticky initially but this soon wears off and I can really feel the smoothing effects, my skin doesn't feel at all oily when I use it but it definitely doesn't dry my skin out by any means either, so winner winner!

Alpha Arbutin 2% + HA, £7.00

The final product I opted for is one that targets hyper-pigmentation. If you're not sure what that is, hyper-pigmentation can be any dark patches or spots on your skin, for example they're quite common on the upper lip (which can sometimes give the awful illusion of a moustache) but can show up anywhere. This product has a high potentcy of Alpha Arbutin which tackles these tricky spots to reveal more even, younger-looking skin!

I've 100% noticed a difference since using a combination of the above in my daily routine, my skin is so much brighter and I've gone many days without wearing make-up now due to how much more calm and even my skin-tone is looking. My dark spots aren't as noticeable at all and my skin just has a much healthier look and glow about it. 

Make sure you use the brand's handy regime tool to work out which products you can and can't miss, when to apply them and what they're good for!

Learning To Be Honest With Myself (and others!)

It's a funny thing, honesty. I like to pride myself on being an honest person, I'm very open and don't have any difficulty usually telling someone how I feel about something as long as I still be kind and polite about it but actually when I thought long and hard about it there were some times that I really wasn't very honest and it didn't do me many favours.

I'm not talking about lying or cheating or anything like that, I'm talking about the times that we're not super honest with ourselves and maybe the small lies or fibs we tell others to fit in or to feel like we belong.

When I first met my boyfriend I soon realised we had different interests and hobbies, he was big into heavy metal music and extreme sports such as mountain biking. I was a self-confessed nerd who liked graphic design and YouTube and the amount of exercise I did when we first met was zilch so I soon worried that we'd start to realise that we didn't have much in common.

My anxiety can make me doubt myself a lot and although being able to code, design a website or a logo and being massively into zombie and paranormal TV shows actually made me a really interesting person, I just couldn't see it myself.

I started to feel the need to like what he liked so I could justify us being together (when really our identical values and principles in life are exactly why we're so happy and are perfect for each other). There were some awful days out where I'd suggest bike rides because I know how much he'd love them which ended with me crying because I was in so much pain from renting awful bikes from little hire shops and forcing myself to keep going when I really didn't want to.

Everything changed when I started to be more honest with myself and to have confidence in my choices and decisions. I started to feel OK with saying 'you know what, I hated that bike ride, I'd rather go somewhere a bit easier where I can ride in my own time and enjoy the views' etc. To no-one's surprise, my boyfriend was absolutely ok with that - and of course he would be, but my anxiety had kind of convinced me he wouldn't be.

Being honest with both myself and him has made things a lot easier, we still go for bike rides now - we just got back from one today actually which is what inspired me to write this post. I tell him how far I'm happy to go and we plan routes together, we take regular breaks if I need them and most importantly we enjoy it.

It can be hard to not want to say 'yes' or agree to things to feel like you fit in or belong but in the long run you have to ask yourself what the benefit of lying to yourself and someone else is? Usually there isn't a benefit and you'll begin to see the benefits when you start accepting yourself and have confidence in your own choices.

I Tried £1 Contact Lenses!

I've been a contact lens wearer for years now, I needed glasses in secondary school and after a year or so of losing/breaking them my Mum took me to the opticians to try out contacts lenses. I was both excited and terrified of the prospect; yes, I'd be able to see without glasses BUT would they get lost in my eyeball forever, is there a chance I'd put them in and never get them out again?!

My worries partially came to fruition when the optician put me in my first pair of lenses, wow, it was amazing and off I trotted home so pleased with myself until I tried to take them out later that day and couldn't. I had to go back to the opticians so she could actually get them out of my eyes. Despite this I persisted and now all these years later I'm still a daily contact lens wearer.

The only downside to this is the price of the freaking things. Around 10 years ago my optician changed my contact lenses due to my eyes feeling super prickly and dry and alas, she put me onto the most expensive variety on offer which set me back a whopping £44 each month - for something disposable that gets lobbed in the bin every night, I know!

So over the last few months I've been on the hunt for a cheaper alternative for lenses and came across Hubble. I'd seen all the ads on Instagram and thought you know what, for £1 I'll give it a go.

Visiting Ilfracombe, Devon

So this post is little (read: three months, oops) overdue but it was such a beautiful break away I have been meaning to write this post for a while now so I can share some of our recommendations and tips with you incase you're heading down that way any time soon.

We booked our trip to Hele Bay, Ilfracombe after looking for somewhere to get away for New Years - because neither of us are huge NYE fans and we really just wanted to shut ourselves away somewhere for a few days, eat lots of nice food and go on nice walks. Devon was our first choice as it's around three hours drive from where we live (and a nice scenic drive at that, very little motorway driving involved) and we stayed at a Hoseason's location; Beach Cove Coastal Retreat.

Beach Cove Coastal Retreat consists of a small number of one-bedroom (so perfect for couples) beach-hut style accommodations which are all located right on the beach front. You can see them in their pretty pastel colours all along the wall in the picture below.

We arrived at night so had no idea just how close we were to the seafront. Unfortunately, the cabin we had been booked into seemed to be overrun by cluster flies (don't Google if you don't like creepy crawlies) which apparently were lured in by the abnormally mild winter we'd had here and also they love the water so there wasn't much they could do in terms of keeping them away. The staff at Beach Cove were super helpful though and came in and got rid of as many flies as they could but as soon as one disappeared another three buzzed in from somewhere else. 

Luckily, we ended up being relocated to another property on the site which didn't have any flies whatsoever so we were able to finally settle in for the night. Waking up the next morning was incredible, we'd not seen the view but we could hear the crashing waves as we slept so we knew we were close. I enjoyed my favourite breakfast of avocado toast and a cuppa whilst enjoying all the dog walkers taking their fluffs for a stroll along the sand early in the morning. 

It's a very quite part of Devon, with only a handful of attractions in the area (one being Exmoor Zoo which we loved and would 100% recommend if you're in the area) so if you like a lot to do this might not be the place for you. We decided to hike up the large hill next to the retreat into the small fishing town of Ilfracombe which was a stunning cliff top walk with amazing views over the retreat where we stayed. At that time of year my fitness levels are at their lowest and I did struggle a little (it was mortifying, there were elderly people walking their dogs who were overtaking me...) with the steeper parts of the hill but it was well worth it for the view at the top over the town/bay.

We ended up eating in Ilfracombe on New Years Eve at a restaurant that I'd booked way back in August (as it was tiny and I imagined it would get booked up so quickly). I was right, it was full from 7pm and that's because the food was insanely good. Seventy One is a family run restaurant and hands down the three courses I had there were probably three of the best I've ever had anywhere. If you visit Ilfracombe then you simply must check it out for dinner.

The bay is a great area to walk around too, we didn't know before we visited but it's actually where the artist Damien Hurst is from and there's a huge statue he commissioned which is located on the fishing pier, probably not the sort of thing you'd imagine in a quiet Devon town but definitely worth a look at. He also has a restaurant on the seafront too I believe so if you're a fan that's worth checking out. As we were out of season a lot of the attractions such as the aquarium and a lot of the shops were all shut for the winter but I can imagine in the peak of summer it's a lovely place to visit.

On our way home we passed Stonehenge so spent our New Years Day there which was interesting. It was busy even on New Years Day and there were a lot of tourists so I think it's safe to say whenever you visit expect it to be crowded. There's a bus which runs up to the site itself but we chose to walk up to the stones which is well sign-posted from the visitor centre.

I hope you've enjoyed this post about our visit to Devon - if you have any questions then feel free to comment below and let me know if you're planning to visit anytime soon too!

Believing That Good Is Good Enough

I wrote a blog post not so long ago now about my counselling journey so far (it's here if you'd like to read it) and wanted to share one of my most recent experiences at a session regarding thinking my best isn't good enough.

This feeling stemmed from an experience last year which I'm still umming and aahing about writing about on here but to summarise; it wasn't pleasant, it certainly left me with less self-esteem than I had before and it really did make me question whether my 'good' was actually good enough. 

I've held onto this feeling since last September time and it's made a lot of things difficult for me; I've not wanted to plan anything, for anybody, ever again. I worry that if I do whatever I've planned won't live up to their expectations. It's also made me question if I'm a 'good enough' girlfriend or 'good enough' daughter. It's been a fun six months, not. 

I raised this with my therapist a few weeks back and within moments she had worked back through my life and helped me realise, in addition to the trigger from last year, what events in my childhood might relate to that feeling of always needing to be perfect where just 'okay' or 'mediocre' doesn't cut it for me. Everything has to be perfect; perfectly timed, perfectly placed; perfectly presented. Don't get me wrong, 9/10 it isn't but that's when I struggle. I struggle to accept anything besides the best and I really beat myself up over it sometimes and this was a part of me that I really wanted to alter.

Ultimately, I wanted to care less what people thought, I wanted to be totally content with knowing I did my best and that I can't control people's feelings or thoughts, you can't please all the people all of the time and I don't want to be my own worst enemy or critic, basically. 

The event last year has made overcoming this hurdle a little more difficult than it may have been otherwise, I could have easily said 'well, what's the worst that could happen if they think it's not good enough?' but for me, the worst thing that could have happened last year did happen so that's not really a reassuring question to ask myself right now. 

What is helping though is getting back on the horse so to speak. I was fearful of having to plan anything again after last year and I really didn't ever want to be in charge of someone else's enjoyment or happiness due to the pressure that came with it. This became tricky to avoid when my boss asked me to plan our next evening social event at work, I couldn't exactly say 'nah, don't fancy it, sorry'. I had to come through. I started to feel some of the same feelings that the event last year had given me and I worked really hard to overcome any anxiety or panic over whether my colleagues will enjoy what I'd organised or not. I started by accepting the fact that these people are my professional colleagues and they would be grateful for a nice meal and a pint in the pub after work so anything in addition to that would be great.

I ended up planning a murder mystery game which we all played over dinner at one of the pubs in town, everyone had a laugh and I received the kindest feedback from people including senior management after the event. That was my first step towards realising that my good is good enough, the more positive affirmations I have of that the more I will gain confidence in myself again.

When it comes down to it, the problem lies in the thought itself really; my best/good isn't good enough. Good enough for...who? Them? Whose standards/expecations am I working towards exactly? That's when I realised that all that mattered was whether my best/good was good enough for me. I had to accept that no, I can't please everybody but a lot of the time they will be pleased because I am learning not everyone's expecations of me are anywhere near as high as the expectations I place on myself so as long as I am happy with what I've done/created/achieved then to heck what other people think!

How I Stay Positive

Staying positive is hard, really hard, especially when it feels like life is throwing the worst kinds of curveballs at you and it takes everything you have to keep calm and carry on. One of my goals for 2019 though was to think positively and for the most-part I have been doing okay at it! 

I try not to compare myself to others

I say try because it's something I actually find really difficult sometimes. Having anxiety makes me doubt things - a lot - and one of those things is usually myself, that means if I have a bad day when I think I'm not good enough I look around me and go 'oh, well she's good enough, she's got her shit together' etc. What I have to constantly remind myself is that I don't know that person's story either, they might look like they have it together on the outside (cos I know that's how I look the majority of the time, even when I don't) but they're most likely struggling with things too. I just tell myself to keep doing me because that's all I'm in control of. 

Be kind to myself

Before I began attending counselling for my anxiety I used to 'manage' it myself, a lot of the time that was me putting myself down for feeling and acting the way I did. I'd tell myself I was being 'stupid' and I'd be really overly apologetic for the way I was feeling. Luckily, counselling really helped me to be kinder to myself. I now tell myself that I'm doing my best and that I am making effort and trying and I don't let anyone tell me any differently. 

Better myself physically, mentally and spiritually
Since beginning to attend fitness classes in January I've really noticed the positive effect this has had on my mental health as well as the effect it has physically. The old 'exercise = endorphins' is true and it really works. I feel great after a workout like I've accomplished something and noticing the physical effects on my body helps massively with my self-esteem and confidence. Practising mindfulness and incorporating meditation and yoga into my routine when possible has also helped to get a hold of my thoughts and feel more in control.

Taking care of myself before others
My friends, family and boyfriend are by far the most important people in my life and nine times out of ten I will always put theirs needs before mine, there is that one occasion though when I'm unable to do that and that's because in the long run it would be detrimental to my own health. Don't get me wrong, these occasions are few and far between but I find that being honest is the best way to handle these situations. If my boyfriend wants to go somewhere or do something and I'm not feeling it I've learnt to just be honest and say I'd rather chill out by myself and have some me-time instead of just saying yes to please him.

I'm learning to let go of things I can't control 
If you have generalised anxiety then you'll know that not being in control is scary, something that's contributed to keeping a positive attitude is to really try to understand and accept that I can't control everyone or everything. There is so much I can't control but those are always the things I worry about the most, what I'm trying to do is to accept that i can only control one person: myself. I can't control other people's actions but I can control how I handle them.

How are you living a more positive life? I'd love to know your tips and tricks to keep positive, share them below in the comments :)

How To Start A Healthy Routine

It didn't really dawn on me that my routine was out of whack until I'd lived with my boyfriend for around six months. Before then, I'd always lived with my parents (with the exception of an 8-month stint in a 1 bedroom flat a few years ago when I thought I could afford to live alone - spoiler, I couldn't.)

Before we moved in together my boyfriend lived just over an hour from me so the location we moved to was half-way between us and a completely new town to both of us. I'd visited once before we moved here and it definitely took a while for me to realise that I wasn't adjusting as easily as I'd hoped and that's not because I don't love living where we do or that I don't enjoy living with my boyfriend because I really do, I think it was just because it turned my life upside down.

Routine helps with feeling settled when you might otherwise feel a little out of your comfort zone and it can really be a great tool for managing your mental health. I want to share what I've done to carve out a new routine for myself and also what I'd like to do over the coming months myself - hopefully some of this helps.

5. HEALTHY EATING & DRINKING
It's a bit of a no-brainer that to start a new healthy routine you'd need to eat healthier and cut down on alcohol which is proven to have a very negative effect on mental health. Now, I am not a fruit or veg girl, it's terrible I know but I struggle to get my 5-a-day in (heck, I struggle with 5-a-week) but that doesn't mean you can't still eat well. I've cut out junk food and most processed foods and I stick very loosely to a Slimming World plan to give my diet some structure; in all honesty we love so many SW recipes and snacks so it's not difficult. Following a healthy living plan will become part of your daily routine and you'll start to form new eating habits in no time.

4. WORKOUT REGULARLY
Making exercise a part of your routine will take feeling good about yourself to a new level. As I was completely new to the area we moved to I was keen to join a new gym so that I'd be able to get into a new fitness routine...the only problem is I hate the gym and really didn't enjoy it. I stopped going and got into a bit of a rut about working out, I was in desperate need of finding some form of exercise that I enjoyed. Luckily I stumbled across an amazing fitness instructor who runs 8 different classes a week in a school hall only 5 minutes from our house - it couldn't have worked out better.

I now do Barre, Pound, Fight, Zumba, Clubbercise and a Full Body Workout class each and every week. It's probably my favourite part of my new routine as through these classes I've met some wonderful women and it's really made our new area start to feel like home. It also makes me appreciate the 3x days I get off from classes each week!

3. START A NEW HABIT
One way to make your routine interesting it to start doing something completely new and different. When your surroundings and circumstances change it can feel like the easiest thing to do is to revert back to your old routine to make everything feel somewhat normal again but it's probably the best opportunity to take up a new hobby. I started practicing yoga and blogging again and have tried to make both of these activities part of my routine. Why not start reading more or incorporating a daily walk into your routine?

2. TRY AND STICK TO A BEDTIME
I know bedtime sounds like it's for 5-year-old's but I think it's a really important part of a daily routine and definitely one that I've not nailed myself yet and still struggle with. Sleep is crazy important for mental health, it's the one time a day we can give our brains and bodies a rest and ensuring we get enough sleep is really important. I always try and turn off the telly each evening at 10pm, my boyfriend will usually watch something on his iPad for a further 20-25 minutes whilst I get ready for bed and then I'm in bed by 10:30pm at the latest. The problem is we then sit in bed and watch silly YouTube videos for a while or we'll play with the cat or end up chatting about something or other. It can be 11:30pm or even midnight before we go to sleep and then we're both up again at 6:30/7am for work. I'm slowly starting to realise I'm just not getting enough hours.

To correct this, I'm going to start switching off from 10pm onwards so that means limiting the time on my phone and not putting the television on in the bedroom before we go to sleep. I also want to start reading more and winding down before bed. One of our worst habits is my boyfriend going on Reddit or me going on social media then going to bed and going 'oh my god did you hear this story about that guy that did this? Look at this video! Look at this gif!' etc.

1. HAVE A MORNING ROUTINE MAPPED OUT
This goes hand-in-hand with the previous tip and because I haven't got the night routine figured out I haven't really got my morning one sorted yet but that doesn't mean I don't have good intentions set out.

If you've had a good night's sleep it's very likely that getting up earlier will be easier, that's just science (maybe?). I was actually doing really well in the new year and I'd get up half an hour earlier,  do ten minutes of yoga whilst the cat ate her breakfast, then I'd sort my breakfast, lunch and snacks out for work before getting ready. This meant I wasn't rushing round the house like a mad woman, I'd had a morning stretch and I was never late for work and that's all down to getting up just half an hour earlier.

If you suss out your evening/night routine and get enough sleep, setting your alarm for half an hour earlier the next day will only have a positive affect on your day and that's what I'm intending to try out this week!

My Counselling Journey So Far...

It's a strange one is counselling. It's a place where you go and completely spill the contents of your head to a complete stranger who you can only hope is not going to stare at you like you've got three eyes and a wooden leg by the time you're finished talking.

Good news, counselling isn't anything like that. Four days ago I completed my sixth session with my therapist and now I have a two week break as she's on holiday and I won't lie, I feel a little nervous but also really keen to see how I get on going it completely solo for a couple of weeks.

Counselling for me was a no-brainer after Christmas and New Year when I felt like my anxiety was controlling me and I wasn't controlling it anymore, so I decided to do something about it and found a lovely therapist jusy five minutes down the road who can see me after work.

The first thing I'll say about my journey is that it's a slow one. I've had years of 'managing' my anxiety myself without any professional  help and in that time I've probably developed a ton of unhealthy habits and routines that I continued to use for managing my mental illness so I always knew it was going to take a long time to unpick and unravel the knot that had formed in my mind - but we're getting there.

The first few sessions my therapist spent getting to know me, we spoke in particular about an event last year that I feel brought my anxiety back to the surface again. We spent three sessions on that event and worked our way through it piece by piece and as each week went by I felt a little lighter. By the time we'd worked our way through that issue we mutually agreed that we had spent enough time and energy on it and I finally felt as though I had closure to a situation that had caused me lot of pain and heartache for months.

The problem was that my anxiety didn't dissipate instantly following that closure, it's so deep-rooted that I can't switch it on or off as anyone with a mental illness will know. It's there and sometimes it's quiet and shuts up and let's me live my life and other times it doesn't.

Counselling has helped me to manage those difficult days. It provides me with a validation and reassurance that I so desperately needed and that only a professional can provide. It made me realise my thoughts and feelings are valid and even though they're not pleasant and I want to work towards banishing them as much as I can I felt as though someone finally got me.

Don't get me wrong, there have been the odd day where I've left counselling feeling exhausted because you know, trawling through the inner workings of your mind can be knackering but I've never left a session feeling heavier or more negatively than I did when I walked in.

The one mistake I made before when I had counselling a few years ago was giving up when I felt 'better' - even if I'm having a good day now I still take myself off to my session as there's always something to work through and to improve upon and I know that realistically I'll probably continue attending for quite a long time. Even if i reduce my sessions to once fortnightly or even once a month, it's 50 minutes where I'm grounded and can focus on myself.

Counselling is something we should all do for ourselves if we feel we need it - a lot of us spend so much time focusing on other people; on work, on kids etc but sometimes we need to physically allocate time in our diaries for ourselves and counselling is just that.

I Blogged My Anxiety Attack

Right now as I'm typing this post my heart is racing. I can feel myself heading into fight or flight mode and I'm aware of that because all I want to do right now is be somewhere safe. Whether that's under my duvet or having a hug from my mum, my brain is starting to send signals to my body saying 'nope, nice try pal, I'm not having any of that, I'm out'.

It started with worrying about money. Today is payday and I am in a sticky situation with my finances right now so I managed to work myself up in a frenzy this morning which lead to me messaging my boyfriend, mum and best friend about it. I also ended up on Google, looking at forums and getting myself into a right tiz and before I knew it I couldn't stop the barrage of negative, snowballing thoughts which flooded my head.

It's hard to explain as even though you might struggle with anxiety yourself, all anxieties are different. My anxiety is different to yours and yours is different to the next person's and so on, so I will try and explain what an anxiety attack is like for me.

WHAT ATTACKS FEEL LIKE FOR ME

An attack for me is like watching a really crappy straight-to-DVD movie; but it's about my future. I'll be sat at work, minding my own business and then I'll think of payday and my money situation, before you know it I've watched the next 5 years of my life play out in my mind. I envisage my friends being so ashamed of me that they slowly phase me out, I imagine my parents feeling disappointed that they have to support a daughter in her late 20s and I picture my boyfriend's face as realization dawns on him that there's other women out there who don't have these problems.

The hard part is being strict with myself and telling myself that these are simply thoughts that entered my head and they are not factual things that have actually happened but that' easier said than done. I feel the panic course through my body when I have thoughts like that and it's a real effort to stay grounded, stay in my seat and to let it pass over. The comfort lies in the many times I've suffered attacks before and have come out okay the other side and by 'okay' I mean able to rationalise and think more logically.

Today I also tried writing down my feelings. I physically put pen to paper and wrote down how I felt in that moment. I then did a conference call, went to the loo and came back to the piece of paper and re-read it. It made me sad to think that I'd genuinely thought that negatively, even just for 2 or 3 minutes and in a way, that's good. I didn't come back, read the paper and agree. I'll never invalidate my own thoughts because part of my management of my anxiety is to stop using the words 'stupid' or 'ridiculous' to describe my thoughts or feelings because that creates more of a conflict against the anxious part of my brain which is trying to convince me of the opposite. I just try to acknowledge them as 'anxious thoughts' and that's where I leave it. When you're fighting anxiety the last thing you want to do is feed it by putting yourself down by throwing around words like 'stupid.'

THE AFTERMATH

Now that an hour or so has passed I'm starting to see the haze clear a little (because that's also what an attack is like for me, it's like a foggy day where you can't really make sense of anything and are just stumbling around in the dark for a bit looking for something to hold onto). I can begin to see things for what they really are; including myself. I begin to give myself more credit and respect again without just putting myself down and I begin to try and see all of the positive attributes I hold as a person and I try really hard to let go of the things I'd been telling myself an hour before in the middle of the attack.

I also feel proud that I didn't act on my attack. There have been days where I've needed to leave work or call my boyfriend and unleash nonsense down the phone at him to console myself but I am proud that today I dealt with it - and survived. On top of the anxiety I don't have the added embarrassment of having to drop everything and go home and nor do I have to enter into a difficult conversation with my boyfriend or friends about it which can sometimes drag the attack out and ultimately makes me suffer more before I finally get over it.

Thinking and living more positively was pretty much my only goal for this year and I think even on the days like today when things get so hard I feel at breaking point it's important to acknowledge even the smallest of triumphs.

A New Start

For so long I've been trying to think of reader-friendly blog posts to write; whether they be about my hair care routine, somewhere we visited at the weekend or home decor tips I just didn't feel like my heart was into it. It seemed forced and false when what is really filling up my head each day are much more mundane matters (not that I don't love a hair care flat-lay, so no disrespect intended).

I want to write a post and not have to worry about the word count or taking the perfect picture for a blog header because I want to start writing posts for me. I want to tell stories from my life and I want to write to share my experience of dealing with anxiety or trying to stick to my Slimming World diet. There are so many days where I feel like writing about those things but worry they won't be interesting to read...then I ask myself well, who cares? This blog has my name on it and it's my small space on the internet so I need to use it for my benefit; as an outlet for my thoughts and feelings - whatever they may be!

Don't get me wrong, I will 100% be sharing my hair care routine at some point because it's only taken me 20+ years to find one that actually works for me but I also want to share other snippets of my life that aren't as picture perfect.

So that's what this post is all about, it's me refreshing and resetting the purpose of this blog and I am super excited for what's to come!

Adopting A Cat

I'm 100% a self-confessed cat person and have been lucky enough to have them as pets since I was little. Until August of this year I lived at home with my parents and two years ago we adopted a gorgeous ginger tom-cat from Battersea Cats & Dogs Home, before Red we had Scampi who was the kitten from a family member's cat so Red was the first cat we'd ever rehomed/adopted.

ADOPTING WHEN YOU RENT

I knew as soon as my boyfriend and I had our own house that I wanted to give a furry friend a new home, it was just a case of whether we could or not as we were renting. My boyfriend has always been a dog person but with both of us working full time it just wasn't fair to have a pet who needed a lot of attention all of the time, whereas we knew a cat would be happy chilling in the day whilst we're out at work. 

I wasn't really sure when the right time to reach out to our letting agents would be - I didn't want them to think that we weren't serious tenants by asking for a pet only a few months into our tenancy but then i saw the Cats Protection 'Purrfect Landlords' campaign and it gave me the boost and confidence I needed to ask the question.

The campaign is fantastic - it's all about asking landlords to consider their tenants to allow cats, especially with more and more people renting properties and bearing in mind the fact a pet can really make a house feel like a home it's a really awesome campaign with lots of tips and advice for both landlords and tenants (both private and social housing) looking to rehome.

VISITING A SHELTER

Luckily, our landlord was very quick to reply and say yes to us having a cat and we immediately started looking to find the perfect third member of our little family. We're lucky to both work just down the road from a Cats Protection shelter and that was our first point of call, we'd had a browse on the website and decided to just head down there and see who was around. Constantly refreshing the website I noticed a new name and face on there I'd not seen the last few times I'd looked - a gorgeous tabby cat called NooNoo (lol). I immediately forwarded the link to my boyfriend and he told me to go see her straight away! I'd booked a half day off work already and as soon as I'd finished I drove down to the CP shelter in Newbury and paid NooNoo a visit.

Saying I fell in love was an understatement, I spent about 15 minutes in her company and she was already asleep on my lap and I knew she was the one for us. I reserved her and agreed with the amazing team that work at the shelter to visit again the next day with my BF in tow.

It took him all of 5 minutes to become smitten with her and it was quickly decided that she was the one for us and we were the one for her.

THE ADOPTION PROCESS

At places like Cat's Protection they do so much to prepare the kitties for their new homes. They're checked out by vets as soon as they're brought in and have any treatments done that they need - our girl had almost all of her teeth removed as she'd lived as a stray for a long time before she ended up at CP Newbury but they have all the relevant tests done and get signed off as healthy before they're rehomed.

You also get 4 weeks free pet insurance and you get to take home any toys or blankets that they had with them. You're provided information on the litter they like, the food they eat and any personality traits they might have (some don't like other cats or small children for example). One thing I was sure of though is that all the cats in the care of these lovely people are well looked after.

Adopting NooNoo - now named Lady Nermal aka Nellie - was one of the best choices we've made as a couple and is definitely going to make for an exciting Christmas. She's already settled in after only 5 days with us and has so much love to give, loving cardboard boxes and cuddling up on the sofa and the end of the bed. Make sure to give her a follow on Instagram @ladynermal to see what she gets up to!

If you'd like me to share more tips on rehoming a cat, especially in rented accommodation then let me know!